When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Once upon a time there was a man who used to drink a bit too much. His favourite drink was tequila. This habit, of course, was disapproved of by his wife. One day she didn't let him have his favourite drink, which made him so angry that he decided to murder her. Later on, the judge interrogates him in the court:

- Why did you want to kill'er?
- Because I wanted tequila.

2 guys at the bar.

Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them.
The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible!"
The second guy says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God!"
"She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?"
"Easy...Every night she places a burnt offering before me!"
 

During World War II, the German goverment sent two perfect spies to England.
They behaved like perfect Englishmen and they spoke perfect English, so they were sure nobody would  find out where they were from. One day they went to a pub for a drink.
-Martini, please- said the German spy
-Dry?- asked the bartender
-Nein, zwei-replied the German

• poprz.